he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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