Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
