So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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