I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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