guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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