seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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