i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
