i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
