Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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