I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
