Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
