The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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