It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
