Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
