My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
