Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
