Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
A bitchslap is in order.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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