If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
