Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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