She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it because I queefed?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Couch. On fire.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
