My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
