Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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