Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
