I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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