Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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