So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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