My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
