Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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