I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
