Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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