even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
