mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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