I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
