A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
