dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
