my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
