you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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