Welp...herpes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
