i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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