thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
