I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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