...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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