The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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