Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
