the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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