Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
