How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
