I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
