I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
