you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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