hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Houston, we have a blender
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
