So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
