i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
